I think we’ve all been captivated by the Hulu show, “Pam & Tommy” that aired this year – myself included. Having been a fan of Playboy as well as Pamela herself, I got sucked into the details of her story.

Something that bothers me is that a huge part of her story is the fact that her photos, her body, and essentially her privacy were declared public property by a judge. She did not have any control into extremely intimate aspects of her life, essentially because she had chosen to model naked at one point in time. They used her image of sexuality against her in an absolutely disgusting and unfair way. But what bothers me is – how is what Hulu did any different?

Pamela Anderson was not involved in the “Pam & Tommy” series, though she was asked to comment prior and during the filming – as was Tommy. While Tommy was ready to be involved and still continues to see any press as good press, sources close to Pamela said she would not be involved at all, and would not even be watching.

This might be because of how Hulu obtained the rights to produce this series. From my understanding, they bought the rights to a Rolling Stone article that detailed how the tape was stolen. By claiming the series was created based on this article, they could bypass Pamela completely. Sounds very similar to how Penthouse was able to publish her pictures without any consent from her whatsoever.

The saving grace, I’m hoping, is that Pam is currently rumored to be in production with Netflix on a documentary. Assuming this is true, this will hopefully provide the platform that Pamela needs to speak her story in her own words, on her own terms. Pamela is undoubtably fascinating and beautiful, which is why I ended up with a copy of Raw – created by Pamela herself along with friend and confidant Emma Dunlavey.

Raw is coffee table book is a collection of unsaturated photographs of Pamela shown along side her thoughts and poetry. While a lot of the book shows some genuine and insightful sides of Pamela, I wouldn’t go as far as to say this is her completely “raw”. A lot of her words, I believe, are still tailored to the image in which she wants to portray – specifically around sexual roles and ideologies. While I do think Pamela is a very sexually free and liberated individual, I also think she knows her audience and is an intelligent businesswoman. I admire her, I respect her, and I appreciated this unique insight into her during this time of her life.

Naturally, I had to continue on the journey with Pamela. But this time – it’s luckily from her own words.

Netflix recently released a documentary called, “Pamela, A Love Story” that was fully signed-on by Pam herself, featuring her life through her own eyes. To couple this, she also released a book that details her life story, entitled Love, Pamela. The biggest thing to take away from both of these projects is that these are Pamela’s words. This is one of the few times in which everything was under her executive direction and completely under her own terms. Obviously her life has been complicated in this regard, as her sex tape was released and distributed without her permission, as was the Hulu series “Pam and Tommy”.

A couple big takeaways that I picked up from her book is that Pam has been both very lucky and unlucky in this lifetime. She has been given a lot of opportunity that has glitz and glam and fame, and it’s easy to think that’s all there is to her. But Pam has been through a lot of darkness and abuse, and I think it has often left her with a question of who to trust. However, somehow through it all, she remains really positive and content with her life. She has scaled back from fame in her day to day, but still finds ways to be playful with her public image.

One of the biggest takeaways that I got from her documentary was her continued love for Tommy Lee. It was actually really heartbreaking to see how much love she still has for him, but I also understand why they can’t be together. There was a lot of darkness that came as a result of what they went through, and Pam knows how to protect herself. Unfortunately that meant stepping away from Tommy at the time of their marriage ending, and I really respect her for making that tough decision. However, I can’t lie and say that I’m not hoping for a late-in-life rekindling of Pamela and Tommy. I think if they’ve both been able to do some healing and reflecting, it’s possible. But whether it happens or not, I will admit that I cried my eyes out when Pam admits in her documentary that she will always love her sons’ father.

I have to say, she is so captivating to watch at any age. I would literally just watch her make a salad or read a book and it would be the most interesting things I saw all year. She radiates something that clearly has been her ticket to stardom, but it makes her so endearing and lovable.

Pam also wrote two novels, mostly based off of her actual life and are essentially the story of Pam’s rise to stardom. While the names and places have been changed a little bit, it’s very very clearly the story of Pam Anderson. If you’ve seen Pam and Tommy, there’s some scenes that are basically verbatim in the novels but with the names changed. The Playboy Mansion becomes The Mann Castle, “Baywatch” becomes “Lifeguards Inc.”, Pamela becomes “Star”, and so on. They were published in 2004 and 2005, so perhaps this was her way of telling her story at the time. The first book feels the most true to her life and doesn’t really have a clear ending, which leads into its sequel. The sequel still mirrors Pam’s real life but with a murder twist filled in with a random Bonnie and Clyde sort of ending. I’m not totally sure of Pam’s goals while writing these, but I do prefer her memoir and documentary over these novels.

Pamela, I love you and adore you, and am so happy to see you creating content for the world, as we can all be illuminated by your warm light. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world.

(Also, if it’s still possible, I recommend signing up for her weekly email newsletter. She gives life updates, random thoughts, and shares some poetry. It’s beautiful to see a glimpse into her mind in this intimate way.)

Thanks for reading!